Dear _____,

There is so much I need to say to you. The fact that I can't stop thinking about you is the main one. I don't miss you in that boyfriend way, but I do miss what you use to be. Does that even make sense? I see you now as this sad sad person who does the complete opposite of what he believed. It's sad to see you disappear. You were one of the only people in my life that I thought wouldn't bring me down. I felt that you would always keep true to me, all your REAL friends, and yourself.

You were always the guy I thought I'd be with forever. I am not a naive person, but it seemed like the sacrifices we made to be together, the time we spent developing a serious relationship, and the lovely nights we shared (even when it was just saying in and chilling at my place) was something that would never disappear.

The sacrifices we made to be together and stay together were endless. For example my parents. My parents hated you, and not because of who you were, but because of how "little" money you had. Regardless of how rude my parent were to you, you always held your chin up and gave them a polite "hello, nice to see you" greeting. This greeting amazed me every time. You also never pushed me into sex, because you knew that I wanted to wait till marriage. You also understood how much a despised rowdy parties, drinking, drugs, and materialism. You never once said a word, because you understood these were my values and they were important to me. I understood how hard it was for you considering Beverly Hills isn't exactly pleasant ville. There are way too many parties, way to much drinking, way too many drugs, and a lot of casual sex. You were the only who understood my religious values fully. My parents didn't even understand my values. I also want to thank you for coming to church with my every Sunday because my parents wouldn't come. You understood I needed support, and you understood how lonely I would be standing in a pew alone.

I know we had our troubles. I know you never understood why I hated where I came from just SOOO much. I hate being born into privilege. I want to work for something. Next year, I will be heading off to MIT or Yale, whether I like it or not. I hate knowing the only reason I am going is because we a legacy at each. It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing someone who worked just as hard- if not harder- got turned down just because some pampered bev chick had a rich daddy. I understand that you couldn't follow me to an ivy league. I get it. You don't have the loads of money or connections, but I promised you we would work it out, but you didn't listen.

You never understood why I am so upset about my parents. I get that you  are struggling with cash right now, and you would do anything in the world to have my parents, but trust me its not what it seems. How would you like to have an asshole dad who rips people off for a living? Comes home hardly ever? I don't even remember what he looks like half the time. My mom on the other hand just doesn't know I'm alive. All she worries about is parties, country clubs, and how much  clothes she buys. Yea, she notices me occasionally, but only for enough time to criticize me. Bottom line is the green light isn't always as great as it may seem (a little great Gatsby reference for you there. I know how much you loved that book). Things are romanticized, and so is a typical girls life in Beverley Hills. Why do you think they drink some much? THEY ARE MISREABLE.

I wish you stayed to understand me fully, I wish you stayed to have time to actually give Yale or MIT a chance, because we both know your smart. I wish you stayed to take me to church every Sunday in that used lexus you drove around that drove my mother crazy (that was my favorite car).

In less than 12 hour you will be picking me up, and driving me to Vegas so we can celebrate my 18th birthday. You promised me 2 years ago that we would, and now here we are doing it. But in a different manner. When we get there the first thing you are going to do is call your new girlfriend who treats me like shit. I am excited to celebrate my beginning to adulthood with you, but I am hesitant. This is the first time, in a long time, we will be spending the night together. I am scared to find out the new you. Ever since you left me, you left all your true friends, started partying like crazy, and abandoned all hope of even going to college. I don't even know if you've noticed you have changed. I am hoping this will come into focus for you in the next few months or you will grow up to be a sad pathetic man. I know how much potential you have. I am not asking to get back together, I am just asking for you to realize how much you've changed...for the worst.

Well, see you tomorrow, and remember I love you.

Yours always,

Blair Bear

Now that summer is here, its time to relax. I feel like high school takes so much out of you. I just finished junior year at one of americas most competitve schools, and let me tell you I AM TIRED. Between maintaing a good GPA, college search crazyness, SATs, and SAT subject tests, I have had no time for myself. I will actually be glad to leave high school behind. To me, honestly, I seems like a big waste of time. That whole cliche about "finding out who you are" is true, but once youve kind of gotten the giste of who you are-what is there left to do? There are only so many clubs and activities you can join to keep happy. Well, I am glad high school is almost over. :))

This summer is going to be SOOOOOO realxing. I'm not doing my usual summer trip to europe. Although I am still going I'm only going for a week to France. This summer I am stay with my cousin in his condo on the upper east side of Manhatan! That will be so much fun. I am also visiting a bunch of colleges on the east coast area such as NYU, Columbia, Harvard, Yale (thats where my daddy went), MIT (also where my dad went), Haverford, Cooper Union, and Colgate. I really need to get serious about picking a college. ahhahah.

Well leave comment...if you want...say hi!

Love,

Blair